It was the morning of Monday, October 4th 2010, and it started out like any other day. Little did I know that it would change the rest of our lives forever...
We woke up, got ready for school and headed out the door to walk the 1/2 block to my son's elimentary school; when we noticed that we were surrounded by police cars and crime scene tape barricading the road. The news crews had just arrived, and people in the hospital grounds across the street were huddled on the grass looking into the park. Something had happened- something BAD!
Sebbi was so scared, he was sure it was a murder or something, I had the same idea but tried to play it off like it could have been anything, or perhaps not a big deal at all. I knew even as the words were passing my lips it was a lie. 'This much action in one place? Someone was surely dead...'
The police officer at the scene wouldn't say anything about what was going on. He said that Seb's school was indeed open, we just had to go around the other side of the hospital fence to get to the next road and over to the school.
As we walked across the fresh dewy grass, I tried to smell if there was death in the air. It was a wet morning and I thought maybe something could be passing threw the moist breeze to give some sence or scent of what was happening here. There was no foul odor or blood smell in the air, but the dankness was evident and the tension was so thick, it almost took your breath away as it sat heavily in your chest. As we approached the guys grouped on the wet grass, my curiosity got the better of me and I had to ask what was going on, incase they knew...and they did.
"Someone called 911 this morning, there's a dead body over there in the trees." a guy said as he pointed into the park across the road.
Sure enough there it was, a man laying partially covered by a single tree that staggered forward from the rest of the row, which lined the back of the park's fence. He was wearing dark cloths and you couldn't see very much, but he was definitely there, and he was definitely dead.
I looked to Seb who was imediately shaken; terror covered his face, as he stepped closer to me and I huddled my arm around him assuringly. I asked the guys if they knew what happened or what's going on now?
They had no idea what was going on, what had happened, who it was, or how it happened. They looked assuringly to Seb and said, "Whatever it is, it's over now and those guys will be long gone. The police are here and they won't be coming back here anymore. It's alright."
Sebbi looked me in the eyes and I knodded my head in agreement, "That's right hunny. They won't be back here again. If they came back the police would catch them, and that's the last they want, is to be in jail. It's OK. It's all over."
But it wasn't over, not in Seb's mind and also not in our lives. A million questions flew through his mind and as they did he askedeach one as it came. I answered them all as best I could, but I wasn't prepared for this. What parent would be? Who ever thinks about explaining a real murder to their child? Gangs, violence, drugs, murder? This was nothing normally covered in our regual parental disscussions.
We continued on to the school and as we did Sebbi said he didn't want to go to school that day. Every day we go through the same battle before we even get out the door. Already that morning he had tried to stay home 2 or 3 times, telling me he was sick, tired and all the other usual excuses that follow. Was this just another excuse, or was he really unable to go to school after what happened?
I asked a police officer standing at the entrance to the school to help me tell Seb it was safe. We talked to him for a good 10 minutes about safety, police officers and their deitication to children as a top priority. The fact that what happened was over, they just had to investigate the scene, and that the school and the children in it where definitely safe.
Seb said he understood, he said he knew school was a safe place and that the police were there to protect them, etc... He looked at us both though and said, "I just don't think I could sit quietly in my desk knowing that there's a dead body outside the window."
Officer Marco and I were both taken back by his comment. I, had never thought of it like that, and officer Marco, didn't know Seb knew about the dead man or that he had seen the body; he was in a bit of shock as well.
I told Seb I understood that completely. I couldn't imagine being a child and stuck sitting in a class room knowing there was a dead body right outside. I deceided to take him home, but there we would face have the same problem. The park where the body lay surrounded by trees and investigators, was just below Sebbi's bedroom window.
We needed to get out of there. Out of the school, out of the house, and out of the entire area all together. We went home, packed up our stuff and the dog to head out to Kitchener.
Before we could leaved though, the police came knocking on our door to ask us if we heard anything the night before, which we didn't. We had been sleeping when it happened at 3am the night before, and we had no idea it happened until we set off to school that morning.
With the investigation and news crews in surrounding the scene and our building, I knew there would be no peace if we stayed at home.
As we left news reporters stopped us and asked us if we would be interviewed. I said no of course.
I may be from a small town, but even I know that murder isn't something you want to talk about in public.
We jumped in to the jeep and headed down the highway towards freedome as fast as we could.
The entire way to my parents house Seb had so many questions. He wanted to know about gangs, he wanted to know about criminals, death and murder. He had so many questions I never thought of answering before, and I wasn't sure if I was answering them all correctly or not. Mostly though the question of 'why' was his main concern. Why did this man did get shot? Why did it happen so close to our house? And why was his life less valuable than our own?
To be honest I was still trying to process it myself, but I didn't want to let him down; he had the right to know what I knew, and he had the right to know 'why it had to happen' in the first place.
After the officers came to question us upstairs I learned that it was a shooting and that it was more than likely gang related, so at least I had some kind of reason to give as to the 'why' it happened. The only thing I could say though, because we didn't know at the time about the drug & terf wars between the Toronto gangs, was that this guy had chosen to be friends with the wrong people. Weather he was in a gang or not, he was friends with someone or at least haging around with someone who was, and he got caught up in it all and died because of his own poor choices.
We, on the other hand were safe, because we didn't associate with those kinds of people, we keep to ourselves and don't give anyone any reason to hurt us ever. I had to try and explain that what happened was a direct attack on someone for a specific reason. It wasn't a random act of violence or a serial killer hunter for vulnerable victums at random. This was set up and the man was targetted because of what he did That although he didn't nessisarily deserve to die, he was living a dangerous life, by his own choices, and was killed because he chose to live that way.
What I tried to do was take this horrific experience and turn into a learning tool. I used the death and the gang association as a way to show Seb that "as persons of free will we all have choices, but when we make the wrong choices sometimes we don't get a second chance." and that was happened here. This man's poor choices lead to his death, and he can't change or fix any of it, because it's all over- he's dead.
I've recived a lot of support and a lot of blame for we experienced the other day. People have told me that moving to Toronto, or more specifically to this part of the city, it was bound to happen.
"What did you expect?" came some of the replies.
Well I surely didn't expect THIS!
When I chose this area I looked at the geography, the economics, the school district, and yes the crime rate too. As compared to other areas of the city, this didn't look much different, and in terms of killings specifically it was quite minimal over the past 15 years. According to the reasearch I found at least.
I thought I had done everything right.
I thought I chose a decent place to raise my child while I went to school, and now I can't help but feel guilty.
I felt my own guilt without any help from others who would point figers, but when a member of my own family pointed at me with the, "you moved to Toronto, what did you expect?" line, I lashed out at her with my own guilt and frustration.
It's been 2 days now since it happened. Sebbi seems to be doing alright. I've talked to family, friends, police officers, school counselors, and used every resource available that I know of to make sure that he's gonna be OK after what happened.
Will this effect him in the long term?
God I hope NOT! But if it does I hope it takes on a positive effect in his life. If anything, I hope the only impact it holds on him is that he actually saw first hand what can happen when you make the wrong choices in your life, and that it will inspire him to stay on a good, strong path that will lead him in another direction.
I'm no saint. Those who actually know me personally can attest to that 100% but the way I raise my children and the tools I provide them with, the knoledge, the compassion and understanding will I'm sure, seccure my place in heaven. Seated at the right hand of the father, the son, the holy spirit
Amen
So much more was seen, so much more was said; I've greatly sugar coated this and left so much out as not to pass the trauma on to anyone else. It was a terrible chain of events, and me and Seb are still trying to heal.
Thank you to all those who support us, and to those who would condem me remember:
These things can happen anywhere at any given time, the world we live in is forever changing as violence and drugs spread to small farm communities as well as through the inner city streets. As much as I hope it never does, this could one day happen to you.
Take Care, Stay Safe & Live in Love
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